One Whole Year!

Girl and Guy will celebrate one more year of having me, The Beauty, as their pet. Incidentally, they will have their first wedding anniversary celebration on September 25th. Or, seven, in dog years. I want to wish them many more, as I'm a tad selfish, and want to continue my role as the "Family Dog".

A lot has happened, Guy graduated Law School, passed the bar, and obtained employment. Girl left the Friends of the American University of Afghanistan, but is still their friend, then she lived the social life, and just took a job Living Social. Too busy and confusing for a Labrador.

I may need to head outside to drop a load if anyone out there is reading this and can open the door.

Happy Happy Anniversary to Guy and Girl. With Love, "The Beauty"

The days grind on. I'm now incarcerated, and my captor only gives me a half hour of "yard time". He's one those FBI types, and apparently believes that keeping the country safe is a priority. Phhhhhhhft, how about me? What about my issues? I was watching the weather channel, don't blame me, that's what Mr. Excitement leaves on my little black and white TV, and now I see that Girl and Guy are on the Jersey Shore. Probably hanging with that brainless little sack of flesh named Snooki. That'd be an ok name for a cat, if it was lightly sauteed and covered with a creamy bernaise. Creamy cat is a big treat for me, usually on my birthday. According to the dog's life calendar, I should have 7 birthdays a year. Do they ever serve cat? Nooooo! I get every day dried, supposed, meat nuggets from unidentified species. I guess they might slip a cat in the mix, or ick a rat. Gotta go, the Screw is rattling my cell keys! Pssst! I'm busting out. Probably just for a playful romp around the neighborhood with my favorite Fibbie in hot pursuit. I like him so I'll let him set the pace. Love, "The Beauty"

Fun with the boneheads

I recently have been busy, quite busy. My captors changed the passwords on their laptops and I have been unable to communicate via this vital mode of binary coding. Don't let the dirt on my nose fool you, I have been driven underground, and have to bury my laptop in the "yard". Yard, that's prison talk for the field where they force us to march in formation. Oh yeah, they have some squirrels in the trees and free dogs that walk by to give us something to yap at. But, I'm on to them. I saw a Disney special where they had talking and dancing animals, fake ones, but they were eerily similar to the ones I see around this place. Following my food strike, they brought in a better plate of gruel. It may have actual meat in it, what kind of meat is a serious question? The lab reports of the gruel content should be back any day. My bet is that they are having us eat table scraps that were saved from Girl and Guy's wedding. There was some Purple Frosting in my bowl. It might have been the Raven's cake. We watched their game and they were robbed. Heck, the team that beat them are called the "Stealers". They could go to one syllable and be the Thieves. We have the Broncos here, aka the Donkeys, they only won 3 games, and according to Girl's Dad, they are already mathematically eliminated from next year. I looked it up, and he might be full of it. But, it's almost baseball season, maybe they'll give us a couple of baseballs to throw at the mechanical animals they stole from that Disney place. Well, I have got to go, the screws (prison guards) are throwing us a milk bone.

As Always, The Beauty

P.S. They put that fake mud on my nose and feet when they staged the picture.

Mac and Me

That's me on the left with Bella slobbering on my back,

and Jemima (white Lab) behind me on hunting trip.

Today we were out front hitting golf balls down the street, and watching that little bag of energy named Lily, run full speed back and forth retrieving the little white balls. It was great fun. Frankly, I think that Girl's Dad (GD) is too cheap to pay for a bucket of balls down at the local golfery.

Anyway, during the somewhat embarrassing display of mindless obedience by Lily, and shameless sucking up by the little b*tch, I decided to slip away. I went along the bushes with my head down while Lily continued her ridiculous behavior, in my attempt to make a few necessary social visits. GD whistled me back several times. Have I mentioned that he does this exact same thing while we are hunting. It bothers me a bit when he does that. I never see him on the ground, running after the birds on all fours, and does he ever pick up one of those filthy wild chickens in his mouth? NOOO! Not even to show us how. Sorry, I got off track for a bit, a moth flew by and I chased it. GD underestimated my savvy and cunning nature, he's a fool. Anyway, I slipped off when they went inside after they lost the golf ball. I sat quietly for a few moments and then skulked off. I visited a few little dogs as I went along and greeted a couple of my minions as I headed down to the Goodmans. Mac lives there, he's a big Golden Retriever who loves to wrestle, run and play. He knows how to treat a lady, and I might add, he doesn't finish off his food bowl. I did, I licked it clean. We played for some time, until Girl's good friend Christie called Girl's Mom (GM) who called GD who called Girl's brother (GB1) who came to walk me home. Like I couldn't have found my own way. I passed the other yipping mutts with my head held high, they stay in their yards like good little dogs, but I Got Game. They are a tad envious, but still love me for my heroic ecapades.

Bird Dreams

The Beauty here,

I spent the last weekend finding pheasants and chasing them into the air. It's noble work, dating back centuries as a sport of Royalty. I think polo is another one, but alas, they won't get me a horse. We went to South Dakota, there were thousands of birds, you could call it an "in-pheas-tation" Hah! The rain dogs came with us. Bella is a robot, runs all day, she might be an alien robot. Lily did OK, but she froze with all the birds in the air and shotguns going off. I told her that she'd be OK and we spent the rest of that day jogging as a team. On occasion, girl's Dad, shocked me. Who does he think I am, Ted Bundy? It only happened twice and did not deter me from running out and meeting new friends and chasing birds. We are going again in two weeks, this time to Kansas. Here is a video of me chasing a deer. This is apparently frowned upon by the locals.

With Love, Always The Beauty

The Honeymoon

Apparently, Guy and Gal are on their way home, They didn't phone or Facebook me even once while they honey-mooned. They may have forgotten that I'm the reason that they fell in love and married each other in the first place. I taught them about love, happiness, affection, curling up and laying on the couch for a quiet afternoon (I can do that anytime I want in Colorado), the soft look of another's eyes, listening without judgement, a gentle paw on the knee that calms, communication without talking........ I could go on, but you get the idea.

Did you know that the real name for my breed is "Love-Adore". You sometimes will hear people call us Labradors, but now you'll know what they really mean.

With Love and Adoration, Beauty, the Love-Adore

P.S. That blotch on my nose came from digging an ever so tiny hole in the backyard

RaRa....

The Beauty Here,

Look at RaRa, he lost his mind and the wedding bouncers had to give him the heave-ho. He looked good before the wedding, not so good after the wedding. He needs a leash, not me.

Always the Beauty

The Wedding

My Dear Readers,

The wedding happened! They are married, officially and that makes me the "Family Dog"!

Everyone keeps telling me how great the wedding was. Frankly, that is getting a tad exasperating to me. I have two very good eyes, and after checking my calendar, I find that September 25th, their wedding date, was wide open. I was left sitting home with the dog doofus twins. I walk nicely, and would have been absolutely triumphant if I'd been allowed to walk down the aisle.

But nooooo! I am left home like a Hefty bag full of grass clippings. Didn't see a thing. I heard that there was enough food dropped on the floor of the reception "Ball Room", to keep a kennel of 100 dogs happy for a month. I should have been there. I mean it, how much more available does it get, my calendar doesn't have a thing in it for 3 months.

Now, the two of them are traipsing around Europe. I like to walk, I love to walk. And walking around eating through the cities of Europe would have been delightful. Especially for those that were fortunate enough to meet me.

Well, I'm tired of typing and am ready to get my Lab on, that's dogspeak for bed time. For those of you who went to the wedding; quit telling me about it. Much happiness to Guy and Girl. With lots of Love and a nanogram of Resentment,

Always the Beauty

They're Here! They're Here!

Guy and Girl are here! I was snoozed in the kitchen, that's where the food is, when I heard Guy's voice and laugh. Running through the open door to the garage, I greeted him and Girl. They are here to get married, finally legitimizing me as the "Family Dog". We played and rolled around until they got tired. They just came from sea level, so they're kinda weak and needed to go to bed. They did insult me a bit. Girl said I was a "Fatty". My three breakfast mornings ended a week ago, and I've actually slimmed down, trimming four pounds. My self esteem is intact and I am sure that once they see me running and playing with the "Rain Dogs", they'll think again. I have a strong athletic body, and am more muscular than other Labs. All of that doesn't matter, I am happy they are here, and are now going to make an honest family dog of me.

Always the Beauty

Busted

The Beauty here.

Tough day for me. For the last couple of weeks, I had been working out a system to maximize my breakfast experience. Up until this morning, I would swallow my bowl of breakfast with one gulp. Then I would gallop into Girl's Dad and jump on the bed. The two Rain Dogs would follow me excitedly and roll around and we'd all play together. With those two fools adequately preoccupied, I'd quietly slip back to our little breakfast nook and quickly snarf up their breakfasts. Apparently my butt has widened a bit. This did not go unnoticed by my captors. They figured out my scheme and this morning, they shut the door behind me when I jumped on the bed. I played and rolled around, as cutely as possible, and went to shoot back for my other two breakfasts only to discover I'd been locked in. When the door was finally opened, I shot back to the nook, only to find that the Rain Dogs had finished what I believed to be my rightful second and third breakfasts. Now that they busted this scheme wide open, I am committed to finding some way to get my full(er) breakfasts back. Please go ahead and submit any suggestions, my captors are fools and ripe to be taken in on another of my schemes.

Forever, The Beauty

Playing with my toy

In the morning it's so much fun to hang out with Bella (although socially inept....) and my fun squeaky toy! Ever since that rat-dog ate Jerry (R.I.P...) this has been my new friend.

Birthdays Galore!!!

Girls' Birthday was yesterday (or still today, depending on the time zone...) and Dad's birthday is Today!! (or tomorrow, depending on the time zone...). Either way, I got a couple pieces of peanut butter toast for breakfast, so it felt like MY birthday too! (Although, I DID get the toast peanut butter-glued onto the roof of my mouth...as seen in the video.) I sent Girl a card, as always. She called and thanked me. She also appreciates the posts that I have been doing - since she is still in DC and I am livin' it up in Colorado. She likes to hear that I am having fun....but she did advise me to stay away from the coyotes. Good advice, indeed.

Her Dad is now in Santa Fe golfing and hanging out with Girls Mom and a couple of friends. I wish that I were there. I love watching golf. The sounds of the announcers and crowds are so soothing...feels like nap time! I'm off to bother Bella and Lily!!

Happy birthday to Girl and her Dad!!!

Tail Wag,

Beauty

New front doors

They continue to build, paint, sand, update, buy new stuff, decorate, and that means lots of people coming through the house. (New doors pictured above....behind the regal pic of Lily and me. I'm lying down....obviously.) All of them love me, and I'm developing a nice relationship with the workers and delivery people. Usually, I let the RainDogs run around, bark and jump, then I saunter in wagging my tail and they love me. Not hard to believe, I know. I hide Lily's toys while she acts like a fool. Eat a little out of Bella's bowl while she barks like an idiot, and then the visitors give me, the nice dog, most of the treats. It's so easy to outwit these two schnooks, I almost feel bad. But not bad enough to change. It's a Beauty's Life

Golf

What kind of a sport penalizes someone for accidentally stepping into a cat box and hitting a golf ball? That Dustin Johnson should call me, I'll lick his face and then bite the leg of that geezer who robbed him. Dustin was pretty cool about the whole dumb thing. I would have barked at the guy and chased him around the course until one of us got tired, or someone threw me a treat. Whew, I feel better now, The Beauty

Beauty-liscious day

The Beauty here,

Now this is Colorado living. Got up a bit late, ran in and jumped on bed, Mom confusedly led me to my breakfast nook (laundry room), and the day was off to a great start. Bella and Lily were fun to chase around the yard, then back to the deck where we sun bathed for a couple hours. After lunch, we had a few olives and cherry tomatoes, then back down to the yard for more chase. Bella is still an idiot, but Lily is coming around. I believe she may move back to DC with me, we are pretty close and I don't believe it would be fair for her to endure the emotional distress that my departure would cause. Bella, on the other hand, won't notice we've left unless she picks it up while doing her daily turd count. She can't count match sticks like Dustin Hoffman did in Rain Man, but if you need a quick turd count, she's your girl. The afternoon featured some strenuous resting and sunning on the deck, followed by some more vegetable snacks, then a cool nap watching golf.

It's A Beauty's Life

Beauty Talk,

Good Morning Minions!

Wow, what a beautiful day here. I've eaten breakfast, ran, spun, wrestled with Lily, galloped through the house, eaten breakfast again (RainBella's), and chased a squirrel up a tree (RainBella). She just jumps up the tree trunk, she doesn't sit there like an owl or something. Overall, a beautiful day.

Another Beauty of an Update!

Dad's mad

The Beauty here. I don't know if I have ever mentioned my love of dog parks, but I find those regular dogs running around sniffing each other's behinds, simply hysterical. They are such dummies, but in order to study them, I play along. Most are not very bright and worse yet, some are mean. My ear was bleeding after a bad dog in DC bit me. Now to the main point that I was going to make. At night, I like to go out and run around the big back yard. There are some really smelly, scraggly dogs that are just outside my electric fence, and curiously they are only there at night. They bark and yip at me and I run towards them to bark back. Apparently these dogs are a different breed, they call them coyotes I think. Well I played with them a little and got stuck on the wrong side of the electric fence. Dad had warned the others that I couldn't go out at night, but Hans has been sick and didn't know. He let me out and off I went. Hans sensed something was amiss, and he came and got me. The coyote dogs ran off before he came out and got me back to the right side of the fence and then inside. Dad let everyone know that I'm not ever to be out there at night. If I have to go, the front yard is my night spot. Nothing happened to me and I know Dad loves me, and now everyone knows the Beauty Rule.

Especially The Beauty

Hot and Muggy

Beauty back again.

I was going to head down to the pool today, maybe paddle around for a bit, but swimsuits are mandatory. I'm wearing a black fur coat; what more do they want? The RainDogs ratted me out. As soon as I breached the perimeter, with my head down low and moving fast, they went to full-on yap-mode. Hey, they could have shown a little spunk and made the trip with me. They have begun identifying with their captors, you know, like that Stockholm Syndrome thing.

Geez, I've only been here a couple of weeks and I've already diagnosed them with two distinct and very different syndromes. I could probably write a book on those two yo-yos. I need my own laptop or maybe an iPad. I wonder if they named it iPad because you can use the pad of your paw to make it work. I'll look into that, it'll give me something else to use when I plan my next escape. I don't want to leave, I just want a little more adventure. Maybe I'll buy a cat and teach it to swim. As you can see, I have too much time on my paws. Shoulda run for Governor, I love that rubber chicken they serve at campaign stops. Plus, truck stops always have great food on the floor. And you have to go to truck stops; it shows that you can connect with the little people, although the folks there are usually not little. I'm rambling now, off to watch the baseball game with Dad (chief captor). Still a Beauty

Beauty here. I've been chewing on my tail for days. The truth is, I could win the Colorado Governor's race. But I like my current job. My senior advisor, Dad, has authorized a fairly substantial amount in the form of a study grant, to analyze the two "dogs" that live here. Apparently dogs can have "Asberger's Syndrome" in a substantial way. The RainDogs spend their days pacing around a rubber squeaky toy. I think that these two fools believe that the chew toy will actually come to life. This, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. I've been scratching down notes and doing some interviews with these two yo-yos. I can give you one example of their nearly unlimited stupidity; when Mom sets breakfast bowls down on the laundry room floor, they try to eat from their own dishes. I snarf their food down quickly, then saunter over to my own bowl, where I casually eat my breakfast undisturbed. At first I resented having to eat with these yutz's, but then quickly realized the advantage of having their food as an appetizer. The RainDogs stand there with their ears perked up and their heads cocked to one side while I gulp their breakfast. Apparently Mom is not privy to my study grant as she occasionally interrupts me. Quite loudly, I might add. She might want to use some of that energy and volume on the RainDogs, it could add to my insightful observations. Enough for now, I need to add some entries into my Google charts. Always a Beauty, Beauty

Colorado's Governor Race

Colorado's Governor has quit, and we liked Bill Ritter and will miss him. He loves dogs, and a little political insight here, he hates cats. We have several nice people that are trying to take his place, and frankly it has turned into a cat fight. They are scratching, biting, hissing, and generally walking around with their backs all hunched up. Personally, I think they are all pretty nice guys, but they have said nothing that would get my vote. Therefore, over the next few days I will be consulting with my senior consultants to contemplate a personal run for Colorado Governor. I've never done a dishonest thing in my life, never had an unpaid bill, cheated on a test, plagiarized anything. Heck, I don't even know what plagiarize means. If I do find out, I'll copy and paste it right here. Should my advisors direct me to run, I will officially announce it on my own personal blog; Beauty's Log